Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
