Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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