I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
