I want to make a zoo with you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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