Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
