"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
