I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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