member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
