I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
