Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
