dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
