'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
