Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
