Pappa wants mamma naked
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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