i will never coherently bang her
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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