The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm passing your future prison.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
