if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
