I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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