So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
