I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
