im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
