yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
