Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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