i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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