you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
