So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
