wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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