Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
