You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
