Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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