I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
