So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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