just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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