So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
