3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
