this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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