There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
