Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
