i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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