I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
