apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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