Can Purell be used as lube?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
