I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
