I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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