I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Mom said you looked used
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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