Ambien. No doubt about it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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