sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
