I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
