I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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