Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
